The Hurting Of The
Ego
Almost
every day or every second day we come across a situation when someone says
something to us which is not very pleasurable or we chose to perceive it to be
so. In either case, we feel insulted and get upset as a result. In some cases we
react and display our feelings. In some, we don't. In either case, the result is
depreciation (decrease) in our happiness index. Why does this happen? It's
because you have created, attached to and identified with an image of yourself
in your mind that does not match with how the other sees or perceives you, as a
result of which you believe you have been insulted and you get
upset.
As long as people's perception of you matches the image that
you have created inside your mind of yourself, you are content with them, but as
soon as the opposite happens, even if it’s to a very small extent, you become
disturbed, because you are attached to that image. The more the attachment,
the greater the hurt, the disturbance or reaction. You could examine this
phenomenon very closely, taking place inside yourself every day. This kind of
attachment mentioned above is called ego. That's why the phenomenon explained
above is called in common language 'the hurting of the
ego'.
We
commonly use the terms - my ego
got hurt or I
think your ego got hurt. 'You
hurt my ego' is nothing but you hurt or harmed the image that I carry of myself
(as discussed yesterday) with me each second every day. Because I carry it with
me all the time, I have become attached to it. e.g.
If, on a particular day, you reach home late from office and your wife, who is
angry with you, accuses of not being a family man and one who doesn't give
enough time to her and the children. Your reasons for reaching home late may be
genuine or not, your wife may be right or wrong on that particular day. In
either case, you carry an image of yourself, all the time, as being a very
loving, caring father and husband, who has been responsible for the all-round
growth and development of the family in all respects since the family was
created. Your wife's words basically pinch that invisible image, as a result of
which you feel insulted and hurt and you react angrily, not necessarily in front
of your wife, but it could be in front of someone else or even just internally.
This phenomenon happens many times, in various different situations with
different people throughout the day and every day.
The image that we all carry of our selves is made of various
traits or characteristics, obviously the characteristics of each one's
self-created image are different. These characteristics of the image may or may
not actually exist inside the real self, but whenever someone challenges any of
those characteristics or tries to suggest to us that one of those
characteristics is not ours or does not exist inside us, we
react.
Warm
Regards,
Umesh
Shanmugam
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